first post

so i decided to get a blogger. if you get the URL from me, congrats, youre a friend. and if you get it from someone else, good job, youre a dick.

butprobablynotreally. we should talk more.

i guess i can start about what happened today, then fade into a rant? okai, threetwoonego!



My day started off rather lame and faded into me playing wow with brett. so it dipped into dangerously lame territory. i went to max's house and josie, jessica, and heather were there. josie likes me because she touched my dick.

here we go: so i was at max's because he promised fun times. fun times consisted of me trying to get a golf ball on a tee in a snow globe and watching others fail at it. josie came over, then so did jessica (the newest fag hag), and kenny too. it was boring for a while, then we got cici's and laid on the air hockey table and max tried to take my jeans off.

he succeeded, i punched him in the dick.

so i got them back on and josie was flirting with me. i joked that my jeans were "easy access" because theyre button fly and people were enthralled. a bit of backstory about me, ever since sophomore year, ive been exceedingly confident around women. so, i flirt, but i really dont mean anything by it. so she touched my thigh ad i said very calmly, "you idiot that my thigh. just grab me if youre going to try." which is really how madisona dn i hooked up. someone dared her to lick the bbq sauce off of my fingers and i took up on it, and so did she. then it was on my lips and we kissed. i thought she was cute. so someone told her to grab me and i knew she wouldnt do it, so i took a fry or something and laid it in my lap and said

"Hey! want the fry?"
"...yes"
"well fuck the fry. *throws it on the table* touch me."

she didnt, but i made the whole table of 20 go OH SHIT SON or OH SNAP depending on whiteness. and then she texted me after i showed everyone my sub woofer and the kid in the porche carerra S said he wanted me to put on in his car, then i left for a math tutorial and learned about exponential decay. i thought she was cute, and the way she flirted made me BAWW because i could tell shed never had a boyfriend, then i felt guilty about flirting with her, but kept going...?
yeah, thats what happened really, the i told her i didnt want to date her and i led her on and she understood but didnt want to talk to me after that, so i told her i was sorry and i still wanted to be friends. she said i was invited to lunch with them because she asked me via proxy. and that shed had a crush on me for.... ever.

we stayed on the phone for 3 hours, and she made me happy. i wanted things between us to be good and i wanted to take a chance with her. but once we started dating she never took the initiative to speak to me, and she left her phone at home most of the time because shed never use it. even though she had someone to talk to and who wouldve loved to volley texts late into the morning.

then josie grabed me and i didnt protest, because i was honestly stunned she even did. then i felt bad because id led another girl on.... so i went over to max's house today because i was getting more and more bored and wanted to see who all was there. josie kept winking at me and we watched boring videos on youtube and everyone pretended to laugh. we got hungry and i didnt want to be in a car with her, so i followed heathers truck on my bike. shes a goddamn terrible driver. i nearly got hit twice by cars because she sweved lanes suddenly and disregared the stripings on the pavement. i went home and ate chipotle.

i think my problem is im too honest and open. even here, where i know people will see everything i type, im not objecting to what i write. no "My blog, my thoughts" bullshit. if i say it i mean it.

thats if you even try to read this rambling nonsense in the first place...

cat and i are happy, because shes happy with someone else. kayla and nick are happier because i interveined and fixed problems kayla was telling me about. max is getting annoying because of all of the picture messages. kenny and parker are awesome.

so once this summer ends ill be depressed. kenny, parker, becky, christian, max, and every other seinor will be gone.
i think thats what really makes seinoritis set in: lack of friends. i dont like my grade's people. too many kids i dont talk to and too many i want to but only see in the halls. i think the only real reason im ever sad is im lonely. i need someone to talk to perpetually to keep me thinking im loved when really its when people love you and dont have to tell you that it truely matters.

i know that, but i still get depressed. just like :sex isnt everything" or "your girlfriend doesnt measure your quality of life!" i alwasy forget those...