the day.

i was hanging up my painting this morning without coffe or muffin when munchy came in adn i realized i see her as two different people from on the phone and in real life. it started driping on her and she wiped it on a small paper towel. i was late to my next class so i called carrie to get her to tell the teacher i was going to be late. she answered
Hey love!

and ended Okay love, bye.

i kind of smiled and felt a little awkward, so i turned to munchy and said bye love and she smiled and said "bye".

we had a sub. we sat for a while with everyone working the assignments communally and i didnt copy them down. i listened to a song on repeat until it died and i stared at my blank screen for a long time. i showed carrie the picture and we went out for the bus drill. we didnt get on a bus. class drug on and carrie was talking about relationships with shanie and i chimed in at one point and tried to help things . i think i did a little.

i walked out to my car in the perfect weather and drove to dragonforce over to the bakery to get six dollars of food. what a waste. i ate my cinnamon roll in solitude in the parking lot at the senior high. i drank my orange juice and threw it at a trash can. i missed. it rolled into the street and into the gutter. i sat in math and zoned out because i had learned the lesson with my sub last friday. katy was missing. the lesson ended and katy came back from the councilors and i looked at her classes. dual. god damn.

i walked into the photo room and was mauled with WHATTHEFILOVEITSUCKS and fury of the storm came on as i left to go get a flash light out of my car and repark in some belle's spot at teh front of the lot. alejo came. we spoke about art outside of the classroom. critique is in a week.

i showed a few people as they walked past in the halls my piece and left after mrs tolle saw it. seh still hasnt read any of the House. i went to badn and wasted an hour and a half to get my audition music. i drove home to techno and realized i had a math tutorial. i grabbed a water and ran out the door to it. i got back home and was speaking to kayla about stuff and she said she saw pj adn rebecca in the halls. i told cat. she isnt speaking to me now.

its now 6 hours later and she just spoke to me again. i was happy not hearing from her honestly, but im happier shes talking to me. i know why she keeps her friends seperate now. because if me and pj spoke as friends, shed never be with either of us because of the other. kayla is depressed because nick never talks to her, and im trying to help her with it to little avail. its turning into self help for me and her. we just sort of tell each other everything now. i still like her, but its becoming just a friend thing now.

i still wish me and madison spoke more. shes innocent to all of this tainted shit im getting exposed to. shes a light at the end of the tunnel for me and i dont want that light to go out again. i was so fucking dumb to have been an asshole to her. i really love her, or the idea of her. i miss her and i want to actually spend time with her outside of school.