im in boulder

its pretty

its fun

with or without my dad tailing me, its been a good trip. the drive in was terribad, but nothing catastrophic so its okay. even then me and my dad kinda clicked for a moment in kansas somewhere. but in boulder i enjoyed the time i spent on my own in the bookstores, on the campus tours, and wandering through the hill.

but i dont come to you to talk about the boring things. noonono, i come here to let my mind wander and spit up bits and pieces of myself for better or worse. i spill. so it caught my attention that i havent blogged in a bit when the girl i met on the tour, kate, jokingly licked a cone of icecream as sexilly as she could. sexilly?

i told her i was from southlake tejas, and she said she was from buttfuck idaho. i told her about catherine (because we were on the topic of what we were escaping from in high school, but mainly because i dont think ill ever get completely over her.) and she told me about Cole. i said id lost interest in sex after her and thought that sex lost its appeal after i realized it can just so easily be used against me. she said she knew what i meant all too well, and that shed done it before, but not to the detail that id elaborated apon (in what katie described as so viscious, carnal, and vain that she was disgusted in me and in cat) all too deeply.

so she said she could fix that after we got some icecream. and she licked that cone like i never thought one could be licked. no, seriously here, im honestly sure she practiced, read a book about it, and had private lessons at some exotic french school for giving head. and she looked at me with these pouty lips and wide-open, almost innocent eyes and i got chills.

i crossed my legs, recrossed them, and she laughed.

needless to say, i paid for that treat.


but heres why i came here to you, my blog, my audiance: why the hell was that so hot? i mean yeah, obvious innuendo, but all she did was eat something. so sure, how my mind works: i use too many commas and conjunctions, and when she ate that (goddamn it being vanilla creme) i thought of her eating cum.

so people get turned on by eating bodily fluids. is that voracious? vore i mean? where people have the fetish of eating or being eaten by someone? or just tightly wrapped, suffocated?

i got just as turned on there as if she was going down on me.



then i thought right after this blogging came to mind: is this healthy?

thinking like this all the fucking time?

i used to enjoy seeing a busty girl lean over in front of me alot more. i used to really enjoy when the girl in geography uncrossed her legs wearing a skirt, looked up and me, we shared a smile, and she recrossed her legs as slowly as only she could.

hell ill admit it, ive seen gay porn even, and it was hot. but recently even that isnt excitinig anymore.

my art friends say im just looking at things with more appreciation for the form and shape that they bestow upon the world, and am looking less and how god damn badly i want to get off in them. which should sound like im transcending onto some level of uberintelligence and peace in my being that those-less-fortunate could never dream of acheiving, but fuck that shit. i wish i knew less about how people work.

i hope i can find someone who can change this. male or female. i really dont care.

*sigh* shiiiit. now ive got to explain that thought...

im not bi. ive never been attracted to a man. ive only been attracted to women, and even then, only a few. and each in a different way and for a different reason. i guess im bi in the act that im open to the matter if i even am attracted. i wont hide under a sheet and rape hundreds of women to secure my masculinity in myself if that happens.


hmmm... hahaaa i hope i run into her again someday. maybe shell end up going to CU. maybe I will... she was cute and we clicked together without trying. maybe it was knowing wed never see each other again andwe could be as honest as we wanted. thats why we didnt share phone numbers. we didnt plan to, but we knew we shouldnt even see each other again. we could trust each other as well as a couple of two years can, and maybe thats the sole reason we got along: we had no ulterior motives other than spilling our guts.

now i know im never finding someone like her again.



...-server969