i am very bored.

i am sitting at my computer with no pants on and someone elses shirt on.

^^ thats an attention-getter if ive ever seen one :D Now its story tiem:

i walked into the macaroni grill around 6:10 and sat on a bench and called kenny to see if they had gotten a table yet, and as is turns out, i was not ten minutes fashionably late, but twenty minutes uncharacteristically early. Kenny is a charitable enough guy to tell me he was leaving his house now just to keep me company. that is why i love him. so i sat on that bench, with the 20-something-year-old who had a fake tan, stilletto heels, and overly drawn out "S"s while she sighed and checked her phone constantly. i rolled my 20 sided die to the questions i proposed it and let it tumble aound on the back of my phone while people began pouring into the place and glared down upon me like i was to be pitied for waiting on my friends.

kenny walked in. we discussed photography and custom home builders.

carley walked in. we discussed photography and custom home builders as we were seated and ordered drinks. our waiter was the guy with the watch.... i forget his name... something with a P... anyways, becky arrived and we drew on the tablecloth until parker and logan got there, and then the awkward conversation started a-rollin.

i cant even remember the things we spoke of because of how hard i was laughing most of the time.

it was brilliant :)

we went around town after that and saw carlee, and shortly after parted ways.



I headed over to max's and said goodbye to him after surprising them by coming in through the back gate and jumping into his insect-ridden pool. i changed out of my shirt and my jeans were soaked, but after i came back outside my shirt had been replaced....

and here i am.



but yeah... Readers, Shelby added me back as a friend on facebook for reasons unbeknownst to me. after i broke up with her she deleted me... it hasnt been too long since that happened... as i professed to emily, im worried i wont ever be attracted to a vanilla girl again, and dating shelby wasnt what i want out of a relationship. guys, this is going to sound so fucking terrible, but its the balls-to-the-wall truth: i want to be in a relationship where i get sex. its pure and simple. i want to be able to talk to the girl about anything, and then be passionate with. its not that big of a desire to have is it? someone you can connect with on multiple levels? i broke up with shelby because i was worried it would grow to a very one-sided sort of deal where we simply are having sex and cant really talk about much of anything...

guys, it worried me to the point of insomnia and i was waiting for her to wake up just so i could talk to her about it, to say i was scared, and we ended up separating... i didnt want to hurt her. and i told her that so much she got annoyed in the "i know, i know..." sort. she said i should stop saying i dont want to hurt her, and just dont hurt her :p which makes it really harsh logic. i want to see you! then come over! hahahah it made me smile alot. she made me happy...

makes.

makes!

but look at me now. i dropped everything we had because two girls told me she was using me.

i dont fucking care if she was using me. i was quite content being "used" to make her happy.

gaaahhhhh.....

school is starting in less than a week, and the only reason i havent forcibly stopped time is because i know i will make friends in all of my new classes, see familliar faces, and hopefully become friends with shelby again.

there no real way to live through life the wrong way. i mean, sure you can use your life to some weird ends, but as long as youre living youll keep on your toes and fix yourself. its times when you stop living and being happy and caring that life degrades into a seive.



Readers, if you someone, dont leave because youre worried youll do something. just dont do it.

dont touch alcohol again. dont get violent. dont get angry. dont get obsessive. dont cheat. dont find someone new. dont be posessive. dont forget them. dont fall out of love, because love is always evolving.